Wake up and smell the coffee

I know you already think I'm weird. Now I'm going to prove just how weird I really am.

Sometimes I smell coffee when I wake up.

What's so weird about that?

There's no coffee being brewed anywhere near me, yet I smell it as if it's being brewed in the next room.

I've even woke up on several occasions in the middle of the night, swearing that I smelled something burning. I had to get out of bed and prowl the house to ease my mind before I could go back to sleep. Everyone would be sound asleep and tucked safely in their beds. I wouldn't smell smoke anywhere in the house, until I laid back down.

I dunno, it's the weirdest thing.

Since I'm still smelling the coffee and I had a rough night with the baby, I'm going to brew me a pot right now. If I'm smelling coffee, might as well have some, right?

Yeah, analyze that Dr. Freud!

We're Soaring.....

We're Flying.....

I curse the Disney Channel and their oh-so-popular "High School: The Musical".

(Please, oh please, click the link. I want someone else to get it stuck in their head too.)

It's not enough I had to listen to all the songs all summer long, and subsequently, sing them all day long because I can't seem to get that wretched song out of my head.

Oh nooooooo.

They had to re-air the movie tonight with commercial breaks to teach the dance moves to the last song.

Since the husband works late on Friday nights, it's become a ritual of sorts for me and J to watch a movie or tv show after the boys are in bed. (See! Caleb isn't my only child!) Tonight "High School: The Musical" was the winner and now, two hours later, I'm still humming that stupid song.

God help me, they're making a sequel.

So, "Get Your Head in the Game" cause "We're SOARING! We're FLYING!"

Not quite what I imagined....

I have been working on my bachelor's degree for over 5 years now (10 if you count completing my Associate's) . I've had to take several breaks for various reasons but I've always gone back.

Hearing about how my sisters and all my cousins are finishing school after the "right amount" of time makes me feel less than adequate. It's nothing they've done, it's just that sometimes I feel like I could have done better.

There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel - I graduate in two months. (Cue the hallelujah chorus)

I've been sending out resumes all over the southern portion of the state trying to find any job that will allow me to use my degree. I've only heard back from TWO places. One (the one I mentioned the other day) will still have me being someone's admin assistant, but with better pay. The other (which I interview for tomorrow) will actually have me doing accounting from the get go. Neither have made me an offer, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

I'm just feeling a little discouraged. The thought that has kept me going all these years was that once I had my degree, things would change. I just knew I'd find a decent job and we wouldn't have to worry anymore about which bills we could pay and how much gas we could afford to put in the vehicle this week.

Like Kat Williams said, "You shouldn't have to be making life decisions at the gas pump." :)

I didn't think we'd be rich by any means, I just hoped that more doors would open and I'd have more options.

For now it seems I'm in that awkward phase - no one wants me for piddly bookkeeping because I'm "over qualified" and the accountants don't want me because I don't have enough experience yet.

I'm sure it will all fall into place soon. This is a good time to practice patience, something I'm not so good with.

PMS doesn't help either.

At least he's honest....

We live in a very small town, so it is necessary to travel approximately 15 miles at least once a week to the neighboring town to do business.

Last week I found myself once again loading up the kids to make an "emergency" trip to the next town to find something to wear to my unexpected interview.

We were about half way there when Caleb pipes up from the back seat:

"Mom?"

"Yes Caleb?"

"I think we need to go back home and get the paddle."

"We won't need the paddle today. I know you're going to be on your best behavior for me."

"I don't think so."





P.S. He behaved just fine. A stick of gum is a wonderful bribery tool.

Cross your fingers....

So I had a job interview this week. I decided that since I'm only months from finishing my degree that it'd be a good idea to get started on the job search. This job would be pretty nice and we'd finally have some breathing room - financially speaking. The HR director told me he'd let me know by Tuesday if they want me back for a second interview.

I hate interviews. I am NOT good at selling myself because I prefer to let my work speak for itself.
Why is it that I can think of intelligent responses to inane questions hours after the interview is over?

Seriously, this guy asked me how I handle conflict when a boss is losing their temper. That should be a sign right there that I should run for the hills.

My initial answer: "I usually let them vent and go on about my way, trying to get my work done."

My on-the-ride-home-in-my-head-answer: "I take that bitch by the shoulders and tell that her to get ahold of herself - I deal with enough tantrums at home and I come to work to escape them."

Eh, maybe it's a good thing I don't know a good answer right away.

Emotional Baggage

Well this week marked the 25th anniversary of my mother's death. She was killed in a car accident when I was only five.

It was only a couple of years ago when I actually realized how much rage I was suppressing. I went through a period of being angry at my step-father because he was the one who was driving when the accident happened. I was angry at the driver of the semi-truck because he crashed into the back of my mother's car, causing her to be trapped in a car that was on fire. I was angry at the judge for making me go live with my father, taking me from all the people I knew and loved. I was angry at my father for allowing my step-mother to abuse me, while doing the same himself.

I also lost my faith, which is really ironic because my middle name is Faith.

I lost my faith in God when it was explained to me that God took my mother because he needed her in heaven to take care of the babies. I know my family meant well and had no idea what to say. But it pissed me off. I was angry that God would take my mother, because I needed her, those babies could have someone else's mother.

I lost my faith in people in general when my own father abused me and allowed his wife take out her jealousy of my mother on a mere child.

Her death hit me hardest as an adult and every year at this time, I tend to lose my stuff. Only I don't tell anyone what's going on, I just go off my rocker. The process has been painfully slow, but this year has by far been the best year. I didn't cry. I didn't hide in my house. I didn't freak out while watching a movie that involved a child losing his mother. I just noted the day in my head, hugged my kids a little tighter and went on about my day. I know she would have loved my children to pieces and she would have been honored to learn that my daughter was her namesake.

I still have some anger, but I've made peace with most everything. I tend to have setbacks when I have to deal with my father, but I've made tons of progress. I still haven't regained my faith, but I'm working on it.

I'm learning to focus on the good things. I have three healthy, beautiful children. I have a husband that loves me. I'm thirty years old and I still have all four of my grandparents - they're all reasonably healthy and (for the most part, lol) have healthy mind capacity. I have an aunt who loves me as if I were her own child and cousins that I'm closer to than my own half-sisters.

So see, my life may have gotten off to a rough start, but I sure am lucky to be where I'm at and to have the love of so many great people. I'm just glad I "woke up" before it was too late to enjoy the good things.

Still trying to recover

Last week I was feeling bored and thought that maybe I don't have enough to do.

So I took a road trip over the weekend.

With all three children.

By myself.

And before I left I decided to up the supermom mentality and crochet a blanket for my grandparents.

Nope, finishing school and raising three children aren't enough for me. I have to do more.

Anyway, the trip itself was not that bad. The kids watched movies and we stopped about once every hour. We were able to see the in-laws, my paternal grandparents, my maternal grandparents and my aunt and uncles. It really was nice to see everyone - but as the saying goes, there's no place like home.

When we got back home, the husband greeted us and asked Caleb what we did while we were gone.

I was hoping he would mention something like running around outside in open fields with the dogs, or riding the tractor with his grandfather, or swinging with his great-grandfather, or playing the piano or playing the guitar with my uncle. But nooooooo.

My child? What does he remember the most?

"Mom let me pee in a cup!"

Ahhh, making memories, it's what I do best.